Things I Rediscovered Today

Throughout my life, most people have pegged me as someone who has only two emotions – happy and mad – when, in fact, I experience the entire range of emotions that fall between those two extremes. Maybe I’m just so good at hiding my emotions most of the time, that those two are the only ones anyone can ever recognize or acknowledge or assume that I must be feeling. 

So, to set the record straight, I do actually feel a full spectrum of emotions: 

Elated, giddy, happy, content, inspired, in love, loved, aroused, amused, amazed, confident, proud, grateful, loyal, spiritual, optimistic, supported, included, encouraged, discouraged, indifferent, embarrassed, remorseful, insecure, uncomfortable, frustrated, confused, concerned, worried, anxious, scared, betrayed, disconnected, helpless, hopeless, unsupported, depressed, sad, hurt, lonely, unloved, bothered, upset, mad, and angry. 

I’m sure the list of emotions is much longer, but those were the ones that came to mind first. And it would be fair to say that each of those individual emotions can be felt to a varying degree.

The point is that one cannot simply walk into the world of emotions and start labelling everything either black or white when that vast world is complex and filled with so many shades of gray. One also cannot open a book to a random page and believe they know the entire story. Or read only the first ingredient of a recipe and think they can bake a cake.

All any of us can see is but a fraction of what a human heart can hold or a human experience can share. It would be absurd to believe we could ever know anything about a person’s true feelings or motivations by limiting them to only two emotions.

If something bothers me or I don’t like something, for example, that doesn’t necessarily mean it makes me mad. If I voice a concern, it may simply mean that I’m bringing something to someone’s attention so it can be dealt with; they may or may not be aware of the situation. That doesn’t mean I’m mad about it. It is possible that something can trouble me without it angering me. Really.

Likewise, life is far too complicated for anyone to be happy all the time or like everything all the time.

Unfortunately, challenging assumptions and statements made about my mood has always gotten me in trouble. And hurt my feelings. Or annoyed me. If I avoid a conflict and let things slide, nothing gets resolved; but it’s been my experience that whenever I’ve dared to speak up, I’ve almost always been chastised and labelled as “mad” (as in angry, not crazy – or maybe both, who knows). So, where is my incentive to speak up when my motivation to improve a situation is squelched by fear of reprimand or reprisal?

That being said, there are a few things I rediscovered today:

• Every wall has an ear pressed against it and a second one facing the other way. When, where, how, and why I say something counts, because that second ear can’t hear the whole story. And select words can be misunderstood or misinterpreted.
• People tend to read emotion in the written word where none or different ones are intended.
• I express my thoughts so much better in the written word, which makes conversing with others extremely challenging when their communication style is verbal.
• Maybe I should just keep my opinions to myself, whether or not I believe I could potentially improve a situation.
• Maybe I should also stop talking to myself (something I do from time to time just to sort out my thoughts), because I never know if I’m my only audience.
• And lastly, I need to pick my battles carefully, because there are some I will never win. And does it really matter in the end anyway?

I had started this blog article a couple months ago, but felt compelled to drag it out again today and finish it. Writing is my therapy. Although not all my written words are ever read by others or enjoyed or appreciated, I need to write anyway. The original article went a different direction – deeper, more reflective – and maybe I’ll revisit that someday and cobble together another article, but this one will keep my blog active for now.

Thanks for reading.

Image found in an article online:

https://www.counselingintegrity.com/blog/how-to-get-in-touch-with-your-emotions/